***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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