Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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