My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
