I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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