he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
