its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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