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I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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