You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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