Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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