Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
