I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
