when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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