Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
