I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
