Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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