so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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