dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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