I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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