I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
