doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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