Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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