With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love having hate sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
