that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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