shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
