For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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