How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
