I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
