Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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