As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
