Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
