i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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