let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize