Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
