Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
