Got a toothbrush?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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