How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
