So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
