Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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