does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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