Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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