apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize