He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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