I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
