people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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