Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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