my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
