Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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