I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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