"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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