he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
