these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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