Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
