You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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