I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
