so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
