i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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