TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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