U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
