she woke up with a sticky ear
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
