I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm at about main and main street
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
