There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
