Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
