If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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