Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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