the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
