That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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