At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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