Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
