this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
